What I'm about to write might be a bit controversial...and I might anger a few dance teachers, choreographers....and even other photographers...But hear me out! It's time to let young dancers know that it is OK to say NO.


PSSSSSSTTTTTTTT......PARENTS....THERE IS A SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR YOU AT THE END OF THIS POST...
So....dancers...
First things first - everything that I'm about to write is content you should discuss with your parents/trusted adults. These topics - boundaries, safety, communication - are BIG and sometimes confusing. You don't have to figure them out alone. It is so very important to have conversations to make sure not only that you get questions answered, but also that you feel supported and understood. So, here's a conversation opener..."Hey, Mom/Dad, can we talk about something I read today..."
This is a tricky situation — dance teaches us to say "yes" — to corrections, challenges, and opportunities. So many of the people around you —teachers, choreographers (and even photographers) — are trying to help you grow and shine. A teacher might push you to improve your technique. A choreographer might challenge you with a new skill. A photographer might ask for a certain pose or expression to capture a powerful image. The majority of the time, these requests are entirely well-intentioned, but if something feels "off", it’s still okay to pause and ask: Does this feel safe for me—or a push too far?
The truth is, learning when to say “no” is just as important as all of the "yes's" that push you to the next level. The line between growth and discomfort is personal, and only you can feel where that boundary lives in your body, your heart, and your mind. It’s not about shutting down growth—it’s about making sure that growth is happening in a way that’s safe, respectful, and on your terms.
Boundaries vs. Fear
So, what are boundaries anyway? Boundaries are like personal guidelines that define how we interact with others and how we expect to be treated. As young dancers, it's essential to recognize that you have the right to set boundaries in various aspects of your dance journey. BUT...it’s also important to understand the difference between a boundary and a fear. A boundary protects your well-being and honors your limits; fear often tries to hold you back from something you're capable of. When faced with a situation that is making you uncomfortable...take a moment to check in with yourself—Am I saying no because this crosses a line for me, or because I’m afraid to try? Both are valid feelings, but they call for different responses.
Communication is Key
Speaking up when a boundary has been crossed isn’t easy—especially in environments like dance where you want to show respect, be a team player, or avoid "upsetting" someone in a position of authority. It’s completely normal to feel nervous about how your words will be received or to worry about possible consequences. But open, honest communication is a powerful tool—and one of the healthiest ways to protect yourself and preserve your relationships.
When something doesn’t feel right, it’s important to express your concerns clearly and respectfully, focusing on how the situation made you feel rather than placing blame. Rarely is the person in question out to cause intentional harm and, given the passion inherent in dance, they might not even realize how their actions are coming across in a moment (this is NOT an excuse for bad actions, however). Staying calm and respectful helps others understand your experience without feeling attacked, which should keep the conversation productive instead of defensive.
You can try using “I” statements that center your experience and invite collaboration, such as:
- “I felt really overwhelmed when that correction was made in front of everyone. Next time, could we talk privately?”
- “I’m not comfortable with that pose—it feels too vulnerable for me. Can we try a different idea?”
- "I don't feel ready to dance that move, it strains my back. Can we find a different option that still fits the choreography?"
- “I want to keep growing as a dancer, and part of that is learning how to advocate for myself. I need to set a boundary here.”
By framing your boundary in a positive, constructive way, you’re not only advocating for yourself—you’re encouraging a collaborative approach toward a solution. Remember, saying no doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear. If someone pushes back or gets overly defensive, that is THEIR discomfort - not your worth. If the situation escalates to a point that you feel unsafe (physically, emotionally, or mentally) it is ALWAYS okay to bring in a trusted adult.
3 Types of Boundaries: Physical, Mental & Emotional

💠Physical Boundaries (and consent)
Your body is your own. Period. In dance, touch is common—corrections, partnering, costume adjustments—but consent still matters. Each dancer has their own comfort zones when it comes to physical contact, costume choices, or performing in certain environments. It is important for young dancers to have the confidence to say no to situations that make them feel uncomfortable. If someone touches you in a way that feels uncomfortable, even if they didn’t mean harm, you’re allowed to speak up, step back, or ask a trusted adult to support you.
1. Personal Touch & Corrections
- Saying, “I prefer verbal corrections” if you're not comfortable being physically adjusted.
- Asking for space or saying, “That correction felt too rough—can we try another way?”
- Letting a teacher know you need a warning before they touch you to make a correction.
2. Costumes & Quick Changes
- Asking for privacy during costume changes (e.g., requesting a dressing room or a cover-up).
- Saying no to a costume that feels too revealing or doesn't feel appropriate for your age.
- Refusing to wear something that causes physical pain, pinching, or restriction.
3. Choreography, Partnering & Lifts
- Expressing any concerns or discomfort you may have with choreo - whether it's a specific movement or the overall intensity of the choreography, you should be able to work collaboratively with your choreographer to find a solution
- Choosing not to participate in partnering if you don’t feel safe or ready.
- Speaking up if a lift or contact-based choreography feels unsafe or overly intimate.
4. Photoshoots
- Declining poses or outfits in a photo session that feel too mature, difficult, suggestive, or exposing.
- Saying, “I’d rather not do that pose,” even if it looks cool or trendy.
- Letting a photographer know if you're cold, uncomfortable, or need a break.
5. Space & Physical Safety
- Asking for more personal space during crowded rehearsals or classes.
- Stepping out if you feel dizzy, nauseous, or in pain—your health comes first.
- Taking time to warm up and cool down properly, even if you're being rushed.
6. Injury & Recovery
- Refusing to dance on an injury just to avoid disappointing someone.
- Telling a teacher or choreographer when something hurts—even if you feel pressure to push through.
- Taking breaks when your body signals it's had enough, without guilt.
PARENTS NOTE: Start teaching children about consent from a young age. Encourage open conversations about consent, personal boundaries, and respecting others' boundaries. Teach children that they have the right to say "yes" or "no" to physical contact and that they should always ask for consent before touching someone else. By instilling a culture of consent from an early age, we create a foundation of respect and understanding.
💠Emotional Boundaries
It’s normal to feel big emotions, but having a strong reaction doesn’t always mean you're overreacting. Sometimes, that intense feeling is actually your body signaling that an emotional boundary has been crossed. A boundary being crossed often feels like being disrespected, dismissed, or emotionally drained—whereas overreacting is more about reacting from fear or past wounds. The key is to pause and ask: Is this reaction about the situation right now, or is it bringing up something deeper I need to look at?.
If someone is speaking to you in a way that crosses your emotional boundary—whether it’s a critique that feels overly personal, a peer who’s being passive-aggressive, or a teacher who’s pushing beyond encouragement into pressure—you have a right to call it out. Effective communication is key. When you need to speak up, do so confidently and respectfully. Clearly express your concerns or reasons, focusing on your feelings rather than blaming others.
Healthy emotional boundaries might sound like:
- “I’m open to feedback, but that felt more like a put-down than a correction.”
- “I need a moment—I’m feeling overwhelmed and just need to breathe before we continue.”
- “I care about dance, but I also need space outside the studio to be myself.”
💠Mental Boundaries
Mental boundaries help you guard your peace, focus, and mental health. In a high-pressure world like dance, it's easy to feel like you're expected to be on all the time. But your mental well-being matters as much as your technique. You don’t have to explain or justify when you need a break - but you do need to communicate the need.
Ways to set mental boundaries:
- Limiting social media use if it's making you feel insecure or competitive
- Saying “no thanks” to extra rehearsals when your mind or body needs rest
- Choosing not to engage in drama or gossip, even if everyone else is

Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries isn't always easy to talk about—especially in a world where saying “yes” is often celebrated, and speaking up can feel like stirring up conflict. The truth is, most people want to avoid discomfort, and it can feel risky to stand up for yourself when you’re worried about being seen as difficult, dramatic, or disrespectful. But honoring your boundaries isn’t about creating conflict—it’s about creating clarity. It’s about choosing your well-being over people-pleasing and learning that your voice matters, even in spaces where it’s hard to use. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and empowered in every dance space you step into. And the more you practice setting boundaries with kindness and confidence, the stronger and more self-assured you become—not just as a dancer, but as a whole person.
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to healthier relationships. When you honor your limits, you create space for trust, safety, and self-respect to grow. Whether you’re in rehearsal, at a photoshoot, backstage, or on social media—you deserve to feel protected, seen, and empowered.
You are allowed to take up space, say no, and be fully in charge of your body and your voice.
A note to parents...
Having spent the last decade-plus of my life photographing dancers, I've heard A LOT of stories and have watched my clients navigate all manner of difficult situations. As a self-proclaimed passifist, I also understand the crippling anxiety that comes with "speaking up". BUT...I believe so deeply that we -- as parents, as mentors, as teachers -- need to help these kids understand the importance of setting boundaries and instill in them the confidence to say no when needed. It's our responsibility to empower them to advocate for themselves, set boundaries, and prioritize their well-being ABOVE ALL ELSE.
These are not always easy topics to navigate, and they are made even more difficult because you might be feeling some of the same discomforts/anxiety that your dancer feels when it comes to setting boundaries. You don't want to "make waves" or be "that parent" - especially in a tight-knit studio or competitive environment. That's completely understandable. Truly. But know this, your voice, like your dancer's, matters - and YOU are THEIR support system.
Encourage your dancer to talk with you about these situations, what feels confusing, or what situations they're unsure about. Let them know it’s safe to bring their full selves to the table—even when it’s hard. When you approach these conversations with curiosity and care, you’re not just protecting their boundaries—you’re also teaching them how to value their voice and trust their instincts. Together, you can build a shared understanding that supports not just their dancing, but their confidence, well-being, and self-worth.
You've got this!